Sacral Addiction & Generator Envy
In a world where procreation and sustaining our species is the dominant drive, opposites attract. We are drawn to what is different. In Human Design we can see how this functions through the openness in the bodygraph: Projectors seek Generators, open emotional designs seek emotional definition, hanging gates seek the other end of the channel. These kinds of connections have been the most compelling to us and create a kind of lock and key connection that is often exciting, though ultimately limiting. When we form our closest bonds with what is different, it puts us in a nearly constant state of taking in what we are not.
How does conditioning take place? It happens through the openness in us (undefined centers, channels and gates) absorbing and amplifying the definition in others. If you are a Projector and you live or work with a Generator, you are frequently taking in and amplifying their sacral energy. This is not a choice. It is a mechanic, according to Human Design, meaning that it is an energetic inevitability and as reliable as gravity.
What does that feel like? It can feel like riding on an external stream of energy. Or it can feel like being plugged into an electrical socket that charges us up with life force energy: energy to do work, build, create, be busy and to keep going on that fuel, without having an internal sense of when to stop. Ra said that in a way, this makes Projectors parasites, living off of the generator fuel. This dynamic can also cause us to have energy to run on as long as we are in a generator field, in proximity to a generator’s body. The “buzz” from being around Generators can last for a while after we’ve unplugged as well.
Initially there can be a sense of withdrawal when the energy goes and a feeling of needing to get it back in order to keep going. If being with generators is a fairly constant state for you, then it can feel like being high on caffeine (or cocaine as the case may be!), which can feel good and help you get things done, but over time can lead to stress responses, health problems, exhaustion and burn out.
When I recognize this state in myself or non-Generator types, I call it Sacral Addiction: the addiction to running on the energy of others in order to have energy, do work and generally feel like a productive member society. Sacral Addiction goes hand in hand with Generator Envy: wishing to be able to do as much as a Generator does without feeling like the body and soul pay a price.
The price is bitterness, health problems, missing ourselves and the often subtle connection to what feels truly nourishing and feeling generally and perpetually deficient. These states are all focused on what we are not and what we do not have.
My husband and daughter are both Emotional Generators with defined Root Centers. This means they both have the three strongest motors in the bodygraph defined. As a Mental Projector, I have often felt like a hummingbird with two stallions. My life force is sharper, but theirs is bigger and carries more weight. For years, it was the case that even if they were sitting on the couch relaxing together, I was running around, doing five different things at once and trying to get them to hurry up and get going.
Being relatively healthy Generators, they know when to stop. It’s built into the sacral system and their pace is generally grounded through the root definition. They have no interest in being rushed, they move at their own pace, sometimes steady and even heavy, while I can become the cracked out hummingbird, flying into walls and screeching in the background.
When my not-self takes over, it is not fun. Projector parenthood, in a productivity/work oriented culture, is not natural or graceful, from what I have seen and experienced. In the early years, I just couldn’t seem to get a hold of myself. Many of the common phrases that are associated with the open center/not-self themes were true for me. I was always trying to squeeze in one more thing, to go faster and get the people around me to hurry up in order to prove that I was good or worthy so that I could survive and have a sense of identity and direction, not knowing when to just stop. I envied their ability to work, to be driven and engaged and to know when enough is enough.
I also found that if I did not have enough time alone, the energy I was taking in fueled these not-self themes and perpetuated the cycle of addiction, bitterness, withdrawal and envy. With so much openness and no motors, shifting from this cycle is a constant practice for me.
So how do we recover from these habits? Here are some options that have helped me tremendously. I invite you to experiment with them if you aren’t already and share your experience:
1. Practice Strategy – Wait for true recognition. Wait to be invited for who you are, not what you could be or produce. As a projector, entering situations based on how much work we can do, how much endless attention we can give to others or how much we enslave ourselves to the energy, needs, desires and directives of others is a set up for powerlessness and exhaustion. A true invitation calls forth what feels natural to you to give. A closer study of our defined channels, gates in defined centers and Incarnation Cross can be really helpful in getting to know the qualities of our natural gifts. Most importantly, waiting for the invitation changes our focus from being conditioned to respond to whatever is in front of us (like a generator) to paying attention to when there is space for us to be.
2. Sleep alone – Give your system time at night to recover and rest by not sleeping in someone else’s energy. This may sound radical to many in domestic relationship, but it has been a game changer for me. I invite you to try it in whatever way feels appropriate. Sleeping alone gives the body a break from the interpersonal conditioning we experience when we are interacting with others and a break from processing that conditioning.
3. Study other Projectors – Watch what happens to them in groups and in relationship. Observe how energy moves through them, in how they move and interact. Notice how a situation unfolds when a projector inserts themselves into an interaction or offers guidance that is not wanted. Notice what bitterness feels like when they are in it. Bitterness can look and feel like resentment tinged with some blame or self-hatred. Chronic bitterness can seem threatening or even toxic and at other times sad, hopeless or resigned.
4. Focus on what feeds you – We absorb what we focus on. If certain people, experiences or places feel nourishing to you, let them be what you steep yourself in while you wait or rest.
There is nothing more precious than your true frequency: the unique energy that you are here to be and express. This uniqueness is anchored in the defined centers of your design and the gates and channels connected to them. This is what is stable in you; what you can rely on and it endows you with the particular way in which you are able to see. It may be invisible to many, but for those who see it and invite it, it is its own deeply nourishing and magical force.
